and you said cock pushups were impossible
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
