I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
