All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
