Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
The uberlube is also flammable
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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