she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
