I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
