Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
