Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Randomize
