Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
