guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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