there's paper in my vomit.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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