if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
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