I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
This gyro tastes like lonliness
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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