four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
You know, be my cock's hype man.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Randomize
