after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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