hell yes lets make some ravioli
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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