well I can't set my house on fire every night
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
