I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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