so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
