I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize