I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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