I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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