So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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