I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
