Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
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I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
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Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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