Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
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