If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
