i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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