so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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