I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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