My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
