Need sex. Gaining weight.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize