great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
She said her name was "party"
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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