She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
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Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
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That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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