Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Welp...herpes.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Drunk is not a location!
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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