dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
