i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
