are you still at the devil's house?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
