Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
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