Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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