I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
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If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
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He's a Shit stain on my heart
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.