Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.