I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
