I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i will never coherently bang her
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
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she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
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That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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