She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
