No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
