oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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