@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
