i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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