Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
