Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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