as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
