o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
