Your tits are I can't wait for
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
