Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
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He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
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Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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