She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
