Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
