just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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