so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
