ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I currently don't understand fingers.
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