I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
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